信心

如果你有信心，就會有耐心。信心是一切的根源。
──男網名將伊利耶．納斯塔塞（Ilie Nastase）

excellence

I  don't know why, but I find my lack of passion in pursuit of excellence.

Americans don't like being mediocre; for them, either you do your best, or else don't do it at all.
They even don't like mistakes. Jon said, "no one likes mistakes", and he fixed that word in my statement to, "flaws of pursuing excellence."
I wonder why excellence means so much.


I also wonder if there's a group of people just hoping to have a job to live on, but just didn't dare to speak up.

met

1.

"bug me with this after the busy event", Dr.Rolland said, in the e-mail responded to my request of recommendation.

I wonder if there's a sense of feeling annoyed in that.

2.

 I met Jon miraculously in the BME first year's room-- in the weekend, which I don't expect to see anyone, and I was just going to clean up my locker.

We talked about the lives of ours. 

Because he is so special, had been a doctor till his age, have 6 children, but still decided to study towards engineering at this point. I can't help admiring this. 

We went to his home, met his family, his son, his niece, his wife, and his dog.

He told me his story of wanting to help the people in the appalachian, and all his theories about the universe.

His wife told me all those shit words in different languages.

His kids are beautiful.

He needs a lot of help towards engineering, and I really have to help. Simple coding, statistics concepts, are nothing difficult to me. I helped him, while doing my work at the same time. 

Weeks later I didn't get to meet him, but I thought of his influencing speeches (to me). I thought he could help on my SOP. And he did.

Not only he did, he came to school to just to help me on this. He looked through the essay in detail and checked if that's what I mean, sentence by sentence.  He wrote me into a heroine.

He said that I have strong roots.

Isn't this a miracle?

3.

Joseph from the Fourier Optics class.

At first I had to use the crutch to school because I got my ankle twisted. The thing is so stupid because it happened in my sleep, and 90% possibility because I was crushed by Junwen. 

Then he started talking to me, sharing all those really cool photos of skateboarding he took, the films, and how he likes Jackie Chan. How come?

He even invited me to join his skateboarding, offering me to a drink, and said that I can be his model.

We texted, not really often but, he said he dreamt of me. 

This is a dream like an adventure, but it's really fun that I was there, having to crawl inside his dorm, and a explosion happens because of an oxygen tank thrown in.

This is a kind a dream that I've dreamt before, exciting and terrifying, full of colors and unimaginable scenarios.

I guess I'm somehow remembered by him.

=====

I can't deny that these comments are special to me just because they are foreigners. For me, these are new experiences.

Fernando from Peru, and Racha from Thailand, all these special and brilliant and humble people I met.

Cheers for the hard work
and the new world


I'm still not sure if I want a phD, but that may be the only way I can stay
I'm this kind of God damn person who wants to make sure, but can't make sure.
With my hands trembling, I'm asking for recommendation from the professors I've been in contact with. 

靠北超難好想死 救命